DRIVE '10

It has been a long time since I have taken a monstrous road trip.  I did not realize Atlanta, GA was so far from North Branch, MI.  (Just a little FYI, it takes about 14 hours in a church van with 12 people.)
I'm still processing and enjoying the fact that I was able to go to DRIVE Conference '10 @ North Point Community Church.  Huge shout out to Keystone Community Church for helping make it possible to go.

A couple videos will serve you well.  They are both only a couple minutes in length.
The first one is a hightlight video of the 2 1/2 days.
The second video is one that is now circulating around online a bunch.  They showed it at the conference and after you watch it you'll see why people want to share it.  It's especially funny to anyone familiar with worship services.


DRIVE 2010 Highlight from North Point Media on Vimeo.


"Sunday's Coming" Movie Trailer from North Point Media on Vimeo.

Attending the conference, like any quality conference, left me with much to think through.  Josh and I went to the conference because we really like the North Point model and mindset of ministry.  I could list several items that stand out to me and several lessons learned but here is a biggie...
~Fun~

Yep, that's it.  Fun.  It is possible to take oneself too serious.  (even using the word "oneself" is an indicator of how serious you've become!)  And I am that guy.  I have been taking myself and our church too serious.  In the process I believe I have led people to take what we do too serious.  Do I still believe in the seriousness of the message of Jesus?  Absolutely.  Does it still plague me that 70-80% of students who grow up in the church will leave the church when they are college aged?  Yes!  And on and on...

At DRIVE '10 there was a culture of enjoyment.  Aside from the evidence of incredibly hard work to make the conference happen there was a noticeable atmosphere amongst volunteers & staff that they genuinely like being where they were and doing what they were doing.

Thinking Orange continued...

Our Core Values are exciting to preach.  I told a friend this week that I'm enjoying preaching them because I actually believe in them.  And, I know others already do too!  These are not some flashy bullet points out of the latest book but they are values that our leaders worked out together over the course of nearly 18 months.  I am the lucky one who gets to present them.


Last Sunday I preached the our third core value:  Foundation (listen here)
Simply put, we believe in God's word, the message of the Cross, and God's call for us to be holy.  To snag a line from Andy Stanley (whose flashy books I greatly appreciate), "Maximum Freedom is found under the Authority of God."


It may seem trite for a church to say we believe in the Scriptures.  But we believe it important to say it and live like it.  


In a couple days I'm going to preach our fourth core value:  Spiritual Vitality.
Again, simply put, we believe in the beauty of a relationship with God not the performance of the religion of following God.  


My boy, William, loves it when I spend a few minutes lying down next to him in his bed at night.  When I am in a rush to go watch "24" or something and am about ready to leave without spending those few minutes he calls to me, "Dad, aren't you going to stay a few minutes?"  Actually son, I am.  


Perhaps your relationship with God has become rigid and restricted to time/place.  Perhaps, like me, you need to just spend some time with your Father.  Perhaps, like me, you need to remember he's not in a hurry to watch a show on tv.  He's knocking on the door waiting for us to invite him in.

What to say?

When people ask, "How are you doing?" I cannot always discern  if they are saying, "How are you doing today?" or if they are saying "How are you doing with...well, you know...um...you're daughter's death?"

Ah, the beauty of the english language!

I can, though, answer both those questions in one statement that has become a bit of a mantra for me.  My answer is, "I'm more good than bad."
And that is the truth.  My days are mostly good.  My emotional state is mostly strong.  My workload is mostly manageable. etc...  Yes, I walk by pictures of Annie and stare in disbelief at what has happened.  Yes, I struggle to tell people I have 3 children when the truth is I have 2 children alive in my household.  But still, "I'm more good than bad."

The picture above is a group of people Sarah and I spend a weekend with not long ago.  In the lower left are the leaders of the retreat we attended, David & Nancy Guthrie.  (See my little head floating in the back row?)  They designed a weekend for parents who have lost children.  It's called Respite.  Although surrounded by stories of grief we found it refreshing to be in a setting where there was 1 thing in common---the death of a child (or children for some couples).  It was awful to hear their stories and to share ours.  But at the same time it was refreshing because the "How are you doing?" question was immediately understood.

"How are you doing?"
You may hear me asking you that the next time I see you.  Feel free to answer it as it pertains to your day.  But also feel free to answer it as it relates to some deeper aspect of your life.  And I will do my best to listen.
Thanks for listening to me.

Thinking Orange

Think Orange.  The title comes from a book with the same title by Reggie Joyner.  You can check it out here.  The book captivated me and Josh (our other pastor).  Not only does it ask (and answer some) great questions about practical ministry it overarching theme is partnership.  Rather than thinking of family and church as two separate entities (red & yellow) is there a way in which we can "Think Orange"?  Partnership.


I'm struck by the images above.  One includes 40 dots--representing the average number of hours a church has in a year to influence a life.  The other picture includes 3000 dots--representing the number of hours parents have to influence their kids.  How can we partner together to make each set of hours most valuable?


We are spinning off the theme of partnership as we preach through the Core Values of our church.  Our 8 Core Values are all about Partnership;  with God, with each other, with our community.


 Core Value 1:  Healthy Relationships 
Josh preached through this last week.
The ultimate goal of this value is for our church to develop intimacy with God, community with Insiders, and influence with Outsiders.  To do so we are developing a plan for small groups.  By September a renewed structure for Community Groups is going to be in place.  We believe that by connecting people in groups is our best opportunity for developing healthy relationships to take place.




 Core Value 2:  Generous Living 

If you've been around the church for long you have probably heard preachers talk about 'time, talents & treasure'.  Generous living, although we aren't using that exact terminology, is about people using what they have to accomplish greater things together.  Again, partnership is much more valuable that individual efforts.


6 more to go...stick around.
If you'd like to listen to the sermons click here

a first

Today is Annie's birthday.  It would have been her first.

My wife has a great idea for a "birthday present" on her blog.  Check out Peanut Butter Jam and leave a gift there.

Happy Birthday sweet girl.

Numbers

• I have one mom and one dad.
• My one sister is older than me.
• I lived in 5 different states before High School graduation. (3 more states and 1 additional country since then.)
• My neighbor sold me my first car for $750.  A Chevy Luv.
• Bought my second car for $900.  A VW bus.
• Shortly after that second car I bought my third car.  It cost $4600.  It was a more dependable VW.
• I dated Sarah 9 months before asking her to marry me.
• We were engaged another 9 months and then married.
• Have been married 10 years this May.
• Our William is 5.
• Our Kate is 3. 

 We are staying in room 306 at a hotel in Ann Arbor, MI.
We are celebrating commemorating this weekend.   Annie would have turned 1 March 9.  She died nearly 6 months ago.

We visited the 3rd floor of the Mott Children's Hospital yesterday:  PICU.  Such amazing people there.

We walked by Family Consulation Room 2 and William said, "There's the room we were in."
My thoughts: "Yes son, that is the room where your mom and dad waited, cried, and prayed.  Yes son, that is the room where the 4 of us sat as we told you that Annie was so sick and was going to die.  Yes son...how did you remember that?!"

The book of Hebrews includes the following description of Jesus.
¹⁴Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. ¹⁵For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. ¹⁶Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:14-16)

Did you see the number?  Verse 15 says, "we have one..."

And because of that one we receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.  God gives us grace right on time.

This weekend we are commemorating.
We are also celebrating; celebrating the victory of the One (Jesus) who overcame so much for us, celebrating his grace, and celebrating the one that through grace is with him even as we mourn that she is not with us.

Anne Jane.
I Love you.
Daddy.

Pray for Kate

Let me simply direct your prayers and support to a young girl named Kate.  She's battling brain cancer and this week is undergoing an intense round of chemotherapy. 

Her story and the ongoing blog is here.

Thanks.

One Minute

Jesus' mission to his followers is shared, at least in part, in Matthew 28:18-20.  It is a big mission.  It is a seemingly impossible mission.  It is a mission he originally shared with a small band of followers.

One of my favorite books is by Malcolm Gladwell.  It is called, The Tipping Point (buy it here).  He fills the pages with illustration upon illustration of how the unexpected has beomce the expected in personal lives, companies, and countries.  My mind soaks it up.

Jesus' mission was originally given to 11 disciples (some of who doubted, the text says).  From that small number grew the entire Christian Church.  Malcolm Gladwell eat your heart out.  It is a remarkable illustration of the effect far outweighing the cause.

We are raised to think that A + B = C and many times this is the case.  But there are numerous occasions where A + B = Whoa!  And this is  a Tipping Point.

As a follower of Jesus I believe in the Tipping Point.  I believe that Christ does more in and through us than we can even ask or imagine.  And the cool thing about a tipping point is that it does not take something big to make a big change.  It does not take changing everything for everything to change.

Rob Bell, in the DVD Everything is Spiritual, shares some great insight from the world of science.  Essentially there are hundreds of realities scientists know about our solar system.  For instance the sun is 93 million miles from the earth; the earth tilts at 23.5%; oceans are 3.4% salt; etc...  Again, there are hundreds of these known realities and all of them together create the life sustaining planet we call home.  If just one of those calculations were different, like the sun were 92 mil. miles away, it would throw off the who entire equilibrium and life on earth could not exist.

Phenomenal.
And do you get it?
It doesn't take much to change everything.

Jesus used a small band of followers to begin changing the world.
Our solar system is precisely designed for life on earth.
A + B does not always equal C.

Today I invited our church to change everything.
I invited our church to commit to one minute of prayer.  Just one minute.
One minute in prayer everyday for the mission of our church and the transformation of our community.

It doesn't take much to change everything.

The choice

Because I want to wake up tomorrow.
Because I want to laugh.
Because I want to make a difference in the world around me.
Because I want to care for others.
Because I want to cry.
And because I want to honor life rather than succumb to the misery of death...
I choose.

I choose to celebrate Christmas and worship the God who gave it to us.
I choose to play catch with my son.
I choose to squeeze my beautiful daughter.
I choose to kiss my amazing wife.

I even choose to laugh at juvenile jokes--I did tonight.
I will choose to cry--I'm not far from it now.
I will choose to share my grief and I will choose to speak of the strength that I find within to make choices that move me forward rather than backward.

At Christmas we remember the birth of Jesus.  I choose to remember and be thankful.

It was in October, in Kentucky, where I received the Sacrament of Communion for the first time after saying good-bye to our Annie.  I recall holding the bread and the cup which symbolizes the message of Jesus' sacrifice for my sins.  The thought occurred to me that in this world I will never hold and touch my Annie again but that each time I receive communion I will hold and touch the grace of God.

I choose grace.  I choose the message contained in Jesus the Christ.
I choose.

Intersecting Stories

So I met a guy in 1997 named Ben.

Ben was married to a nice girl who had a nice sister dating a friend of mine.  That sister, who I knew mostly through my friend, has gone on with her life--and so has he.  They are both married to other people now.  But that is not the point.

Ben posted on his facebook account tonight a link to an upcoming episode on the Dr. Phil show.  The story of his wife's sister is going to be aired this Wednesday.  I was intrigued and checked it out.  

He also posted this site:  prayforkate.com

Now I'm heavy.

Their story is familiar...

Beautiful girl.

Healthy and Vibrant.

Concerned parents because something physically was not right.

Doctors.

Hospital.

Tests.

Brain Tumor.

I know there will always be stories that intersect ours.  I know it.  I know it.

But it it stunning.

As God provides space in your prayer life, would you join me in praying for Kate and her family?

Through words...

Through my own spoken words on Sunday mornings I'm working out (strike that), working ON my questions and grief and faith. At this point there are many lingering questions but when I enter the pages of Scripture I can't help but see how God takes the pain and loss and impossibilities of life and does something...something that makes sense to him.

I've preached about God's narrative before. In fact, it was the focus of Advent at our church last year. NT Wright has some great insight on that here.

But Annie's death is forcing me to take God's story more serious than I believe I ever have.

Rewind a bit.

It was just a handful of days after Annie was born that we went with some friends to hear Rob Bell on his Drops Like Stars Tour. We thought it was be "so good" for our friends. The theme he would be delving into was How does Suffering impact Creativity--how does God use Suffering/Loss for something remarkable? We thought it would be good for our friends who have a great boy that lives with cerebral palsy. (Just a little fact: he's my greatest fan on Sunday mornings because I play a guitar!)

I know it was good for our friends--they've told me so. But never did I envision how I'd be reflecting back on that evening. As the sculptor, God must now take the bar of soap which is my life and create something beautiful out of it. That's what sculptors do. In fact that's what story writers do--create where creation seems uncreate-able.

(*pictures from Drops Likes Stars book)

I believe God is setting the stage for something remarkable through the setbacks of my life.
I believe the same for you.

If you are reading this and wondering if God is able to do this for you, check out a few incredible people from the Scriptures:

• Joseph (betrayal, slavery, power, imprisoned, power, choice to forgive)
• David (Goliath, Saul, adultery, forgiveness, Psalm writer)
• Daniel (exile, brilliance, pressure to worship another god, lion's den, miracle, prophecy & visions)
• Joshua (particularly the 10th chapter of Joshua)
• Legion (Mark 5)
• Jesus' disciples following his arrest, crucifixion and resurrection (went from fear to world changers)
• Paul (2 Corinthians 11:21-12:10)

The iconic photographer Ansel Adams said, "A good photograph is knowing where to stand."
Ephesians 6 exhorts, "Stand...and after you have done everything, to stand."

God is calling us to Stand. From that position the view will be remarkable.

8 minutes of beauty

A good friend created this collection of pictures of our girl.  As you view, it is OK to have thoughts like, "Wow, she's beautiful."  Or, "Look how much she was loved."  Even, "It just doesn't seem right."  It's also OK to enjoy her...we do.  

As you grieve with us we appreciate your prayers: please continue in them for us.  We also appreciate you loving well those who are in your relationship circles.  Take care of each other.

Annie

Tonight I miss her.

A friend shared this song with us by Steven Curtis Chapman.

He knows the words to sing as he too lost a little girl.

Home with 2 Hanks

We have been out of town for a couple weeks.  

Some friends loaned us their RV and we've been on the road. 


A stop in DC to visit Uncle A...

A few days at a great RV campground in Virginia (hot tub included on our site)...

A stop in Kentucky to revisit our Asbury College & Seminary days and to reconnect with some great friends...

 

And a stop in Indiana to see Nanna and Granddad (oops, no pictures).

This is the kind of trip we've always wanted to take and yet it's the trip we never wanted to take.  RVing and exploring has always been on the list of things to do in life.  But each mile was marked with the reminder that the reason for the trip was the tragedy of losing Annie.  

We live in real paradox right now.  Joy & Sorrow, Happiness & Sadness, Plenty & Emptiness...

As we returned home we were reminded of the paradox.  Although we were glad to be heading back to our own beds and our own home, there was part of us that never wanted to return.  But a humorous distraction helped ease our entrance back into life.

While we were away on our "Big Rig" Adventure we kenneled our dog, Hank. It was strange that on one day while we were gone one of our neighbors facebooked us saying something to the effect, "It'll be good to have you guys back. I could hear Hank up early this morning." We didn't think too much of it, kinda just thought it was a little joke or something. Little did we know what lay ahead. As we arrived back in Michigan we picked up Hank at the "Doggy Hotel", giving him a chance to ride in the "big rig". It was weird when we walked into our porch and discovered a new dog bed and a note that said, "I'm out on a walk. Love, Hank". I checked his dog food and it was obvious that it was much less than when we had left.  I called a couple neighbors to find out what was going on--evidently a yellow dog had been at our house for about a week and our friend across the road, Annette, had been taking care of him.  

A few minutes later, she came strolling into our yard with a yellow dog yelling, "Welcome home!". You should have seen her face when I told her that the dog she was walking, and had been walking for a week, was not our Hank.

Here's what we've deduced... A stray dog showed up in our yard last Sunday and someone put him in our porch--assuming he was our dog. Word then travelled to our neighbor Annette that they were supposed to take care of Hank the second week of our absence. She's been walking and feeding "Hank" for a week.  

So we stood in the yard with Annette and these 2 yellow dogs and wondered what we should do. Brainstorm...let's check his collar. We quickly found a phone number on dog #2 and his rightful owners (1/2 a mile away) came, quite relieved that their dog had been found. Annette explained that he had been such a great dog and had come when called so obediently. It made sense when we asked Dog #2's name . . . yep, you guessed it, Hank.  

We're home and life moves on in all its humor and pain, with all its certainty and questions.